Thursday, 29 December 2011

The art of saying 'no'..

Situation 1:
My room mate and her friend were chatting in our room one day.. they were just talking,a normal  conversation sprinkled with some laughs(or what do they call it,giggles?) Then suddenly the friend snapped at her saying,"Mind your words".

Situation 2:
S: I've got a mineral water can. On sharing,each of us have to pay a hundred rupees every month.
A(thinks):"I never even asked for it. I'm happy with the water available but I should pay for it?! I don't know how I'm gonna convince mom about it but how can I say a no?"

 There are different kinds of 'no's,depending on how you say it and what it takes to say it.Like in situation 1, you can just mouth your mind,and instantly you have your thoughts conveyed,not caring how the other one might take it.I usually wonder at people who can do this because,one just think about the courage that comes into play.. wow.. and two,to express something like that,in that way,you need to have a firm belief that you're right and that definitely amazes someone like me-who's never dared to be a decision maker.(Except for things like 4*3=12,you can convince me to be wrong on anything-sometimes,with not much efforts).

Another kind of 'no' is the witty no,something that is a piece of cake especially for the people who's life depends on it-MBA graduates,crude business people,VJs,RJs, playboys,"Oops I did it again"girls ( :D Just think about it;they had to deal with a LOT of people and their life does depend on the 'no' ;) ).One funny example that a lot of Hollywood movies quote:The guy breaks up with the girl saying,"I don't deserve you" ;)
But the point is,if you can say a 'no' with such a skill so as to cause minimum damage,I think life becomes a lot easier.

It's not just the wit or courage.When seniors compel  you to smoke,you need guts to say 'no';when people bribe you,you might need self control to say 'no';when the teacher is in the verge of inducing something erroneous into your head,you'll require knowledge/common sense alongside your 'no';when somebody tries to harass you, first you need to clear your head so that your emotions don't control you or so you don't do something silly (thus making you more vulnerable) and also to say what it takes to stop it-the 'no'.

I've been taught my entire life to face something that you don't like with silence and a smile;Whenever my parents gets into a harsh conversation,one of them have to go silent for it to stop ;if ever an opinion is voiced,its only aggravates the situation-and yeah,that actually is the solution in case of my home.
But in the real world,you actually have to say it- if possible, say it in a  passive yet striking way.Because remember, Edward Cullen does not exist! People can't read your mind. And if you're gonna remain silent,people will take it the way that favours them(And thus your silence interprets to be an yes for them).

I might sound cruel now,but I actually have abandoned a lot of people just because I didn't know how to say the 'no'.They do something,I don't like it,I remain silent,they continue doing it and finally it reaches a stage where nothing but the way they annoyed me comes to my mind every time I think about them;I begin to think that life was/will be better without them and just like that,I walk away.I go blind to the good things in them,the reason why on the first hand I got to know them! And just because of this 'no' factor,I had to lose something-often a good friend.

Moral of the story( :) )-Learn to say 'no'-out of selfishness or concern-either way,it'll make your life better...


  1. Life is all about handling situations and in todays scenario, it is very diff. to maintain a good relationship with anyone, unless one got the art of saying "no"...Not only in personal life, even in professional life, ppl got to learn to say "no"..
    What u have mentioned in this blog is completely true, as more than 50% of the relationship breaks because of the "no" factor....

  2. hope you learnt the art of saying 'No' well now............. I liked the twilight influence there ..... Actually SPEAKING isn't about handling situations or managing scenarios or trying to maintaining is actually about living it....if u really love your life and live it for the love of it then there is no scenarios that needed to be handled or 'say no' situations will bounce that will trouble you .....but in the practical materialistic world it is all impossible just have adhere to these and manage your relationships so that u wont hurt and loose them. so true that a NO is very much important.

  3. Your philosophical view of a life is something that every kid expects to get from this world as he/she enters into it.. but they are exposed to the gruesome reality of the world and the people and they learn their lessons. // out of experience :) But yes,the critics,we just have to adapt to our surroundings ib this 'modern' world where emotions are scored less.. Thank you so much for a thought provoking comment :)

  4. de flo f wordz s, as alwayz, GR8...
    Guess, yu've tried 2 interpret a lotta psychological concepts wid a li'l bitta philosophical concepts, which alwayz leads 2 confusions n doubts, except wen yu haf dz thng in ya' mynd, 'no mattr wat happens, I'm alwayz r8'...

    Sorry coz I dun rmbr de naym f de wit who concluded, 'If yu'll begin wid certainties, yu'll olwyz end up wid doubts, n if yu'll begin wid doubts, yuh m8 end up wid certainties'

  5. *n if yu'll begin wid doubts, yu'll end up wid certainties

    1. The final quote in your comment has added an entirely new perspective to the topic! Thank you,ZestfulZeeBee!

    2. I don't really kno, hw I'd let ma rockerz 4get that itz Francis Bacon tht concluded da "quote" yuh meant, in His, 'Advancement Of Learning'...